Have you heard the song “Fear is a Liar” by Zach Williams? If not, find it online and take a listen. The chorus has become my new anthem.
“Fear he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
Cause fear he is a liar”
No matter what you find yourself going through, whether it be personal or career growth or a rough circumstance, fear can take many shapes and forms to stop us in our tracks. Divorce is hard, no matter which way you look at it, but allowing fear to control your decisions, the process, and/or your relationships can be detrimental.
1. Fear can take your breath…Stop you in your steps
In a stressful situation where stress and anxiety run high, as well as every other emotion, FEAR can strike. Instead of the typical ‘fight or flight’ mentality, we become frozen. Here you are in possibly the most challenging time of your life having to make quite possibly some of the most important financial decisions you will have to make. Fear, you bet. My encouragement to you is don’t freeze. Focus on ONE STEP at a time. Surround yourself with good counsel, and I don’t mean just the attorney kind of counsel. Seek out others who can help to guide you financially and emotionally through this process.
2. Fear is a liar
Don’t believe the lie. God made you capable of survival. You may not understand or grasp everything all at once, but Rome wasn’t built in a day either. As you head down this road begin to educate yourself a little at a time. Begin collecting statements and do your best to understand what you own. You may have never handled the finances but that does not mean you can’t. Begin budgeting, start with an excel spreadsheet or free budgeting app. Try your best to learn about what you own and your budget.
3. Fear will rob your rest…steal your happiness
When I became a parent and we were struggling through the ‘newborn phase’ I had several family and friends tell me “it’s just a phase, it won’t last forever, just get to the next phase”. It is easy for me to become consumed with my circumstances and I often have to remind myself that whatever I am going through is not forever. Divorce is a difficult, but it will pass and there can be happiness on the other side.
Start by casting your fear in the fire. Don’t become consumed by the next ten steps, focus only on the next step. Seek out good counsel, such as an attorney, mediator or Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® and start to educate yourself in the areas you feel most uncomfortable.