Divorce Support

Lost. Scared. Lonely. Shaken. Sad. Angry. Bitter. Relieved. Hopeful. These are just some of the stops along the emotional roller coaster that is divorce. It’s not anything that anyone should have to endure alone. As Divorce has become more common, there are now tons of resources available to help you survive the process with at least some level of dignity.

First, let me tell you the one resource not to rely on– friends and family!  They are trying to offer help but sadly, they are often misguided, uninformed, and can be downright damaging to your ability to think straight. Be particularly cautious of leaning heavily on friends or family that have walked their own divorce. It’s great to learn from someone’s experiences but I cannot stress enough that every couple and situation is different, especially in divorce.  Don’t get me wrong, they’re great for a shoulder and to keep you distracted and to remind you that you are loved.  All of which you will need during this ride.  But do your best to get advice from objective professionals and not biased family and friends. You’ll come out of this better for it.

A resource that I think everyone needs during the process and for at least a little while after is:

1. A Good Therapist – There is just so much emotional trauma caused by divorce that you really need to talk it through with a qualified professional. A therapist will help you explore your role in the end of your marriage so you can get clear about your goals for the next phase of your life. This is the only way you can hope to form new relationships that aren’t doomed to repeat your past.

• CDFA® or Financial Planner (CFP®) – The most common and paralyzing fear that nearly everyone feels in divorce is “Will I be ok financially?” It’s inevitable. Before you agree to any settlement, you really need a second set of eyes and some financial projections, so you know what you’re going to be looking at. It can be overwhelming to make such big decisions independently, knowing they are final and can’t be undone. Working with a financial offers you peace of mind that you’re making the best financial decisions possible, given the situation. Of course, I’m biased and would prefer that you find a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®) that has been trained specifically in the finances of divorce but like I said, I’m biased.

• Consult with a Family Law Attorney – Divorce is done within a legal process, so it is important to at least consult with your local family law attorney for guidance. There are options in Texas the do not require you to retain an attorney, but if you choose to go that route you want to make sure you have done a lot of homework. Not all divorces or complicated but you want to make sure a DIY divorce doesn’t land you back in court post-decree and costing you more time and money than had you worked with professionals from the get go. If you determine hiring your own mediator is the best for your situation be sure they well versed in divorce.

• Non-Profits – Almost every community in the country have non-profit organizations that offer divorce support. In Houston, Texas, we have the Houston Legal Aid Center | Houston Legal Aid Center.  Check your local community for similar resources in your area.

• The Internet – Divorce has become big business. New resource sites pop up every day offering a wealth of free information, downloads, blogs, referrals, directories, etc. It can be somewhat overwhelming so just pick out what you connect with and leave the rest. Go slow. Be kind to yourself.  Also, Meetup.com is a great resource for local divorce support groups. Going to a few is a good idea but don’t let yourself sink in too long. Recovery is supposed to be about getting better and I know too many people that stay stuck in grieving and never move on. Use a support group to move through the process and then – move on.

This is going to be a challenging time in your life. Ultimately, you will be stronger, happier, and ok – as long as you choose to. Use the resources available to you to make good decisions for yourself. Today truly is the first day of the rest of your life.

For more information about working with a CDFA® contact us at Next Step Divorce Solutions.

A cheap divorce sounds like an oxymoron but with these 3 tips you can save yourself time and resources from filing to settlement.

1. Understand the various ways you can get a divorce in your state and which route is the most appropriate for you and your spouse.

In many cases you have five options. The cheapest is a DIY divorce, although it is the cheapest it can come with the highest risk for error. Some couples that attempt a DIY divorce find themselves paying more money in the future to fix what was not done properly in the beginning.  There is an online option that provides a turbo tax like experience. A third option is to hire a mediator (preferably one that specializes in divorce) to help the couple negotiate the terms of their settlement. Going direct to the mediator, even if you have consulting attorneys, can and will in many cases save money in the long run. The most common option, and often the most expensive, is a litigated route. This option typically has both parties hiring their own attorney and any additional experts. A litigated route is most expensive when the couple is unwilling to work together to come to an agreement and are forced to “fight it out” in a court setting. The fifth and final option is a collaborative divorce. The collaborative process requires the couple to build a team that works together with them to come to a settlement. The team typically consists of each party having an attorney, a mental health professional, and a financial expert. The collaborative process is beneficial for a couple that wants to keep their divorce private. The options outlined above come with varying costs, so it is important to understand them and choose the option that best fits the couple’s situation.

• Limit the fighting!

It is in the couple’s best interest to reach a settlement with as little drama as possible. The more fighting, bullying, and digging in of heels only ends up costing more money, time and damage to the overall family unit. I encourage my clients to choose their battles and remain as professional as possible with their spouse throughout the process. Only the attorney’s win in cases where the couple does not work together.

• Picking the right team from the start.

The best way to combat all the moving parts in a divorce is to hire a full team. I encourage my clients to, at a minimum, include a family law attorney, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, and a family therapist. With this team you hit the legal, financial and emotional areas of divorce.  All too often attorneys are put in the position of wearing all three hats, legal, financial and emotional support, that in many cases they have no business wearing. Of those three professionals the attorneys are also the ones that often have the highest per hour rate. It seems counterintuitive that you should hire more people to save money but the fact is that if you hire the right professionals for their lane of expertise, you will save money initially and in the long run. The other side of that is choosing the right individuals to fill those roles.  You want to find a professional you trust and work well with to help guide you through the process. If you do not trust your team you will never feel confident to take their advice which will cause more stress, time and money.

The above are the three areas in which I believe couples can save themselves money in divorce, choose the right route, work together to get to a settlement, and have a complete divorce team.

Contact Next Step Divorce Solutions to learn how we can assist you in your divorce.

Author – Tessa Elrod CFP®, CDFA®

Texas is one of nine Community Property states, which essentially means that any property acquired during marriage is equally owned by both spouses.  Sounds simple, right?  Far from it. An important thing to keep in mind about property division during divorce is that it may not end up an equal 50/50, even though you are in a community property state. There are so many more moving pieces and often there are assets on the table to divide that can’t be severed down the middle, like a house.

For this article I am going to focus on two different types of property, marital and separate. We defined community property above, everything acquired during the marriage is considered marital and owned equally. What if you have property that you brought into the marriage or was gifted or inherited during the marriage, then what?

Let’s start by defining separate property.

Separate property is anything that was owned before marriage and kept in separate name, gifted, or inherited during the marriage and kept separate. Some examples would be an inheritance that was never put into an account or titled in both spouse’s name, or a savings that you had before marriage and never moved into a joint account. Seems straightforward.

Anything that is not deemed separate property is considered marital property and up for division.

As you begin to either plan or go through your divorce you want to make sure you are very clear on what is marital and what is separate. If you have a separate property claim it is best that you have evidence to back up that claim. There are additional nuances you need to be careful with here, commingling or combining separate with a joint asset, and/or separate property that has any income attached to it.

For more clarity and understanding on exactly how these factors affect your situation contact our Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® at Next Step Divorce Solutions.

Author – Tessa Elrod, CDFA®

Do you know what you spend each month on bills and basic living expenses? Have you ever kept a budget or paid the bills?  If the answer is no, you are not alone. Most people I speak with have a minimal understanding of their spending habits, and for many women in divorce this is a common trigger for their fear. 

Managing a budget does not have to be scary or overwhelming, you just need to find the right resource and tool to help you.  Start by looking back at the last three months of expenses to begin building your average expense in each spending category.  In our current world of unlimited applications there are several budgeting apps that do most of the leg work on tracking for you. If you prefer to write it out yourself, then excel will be a useful tool for you. The biggest hurdle to overcome in building a spending plan is first knowing what you currently spend, and I mean identifying where every dollar is spent.

With a clear understanding of your spending needs you now can answer some major questions during your divorce.

1. If you are hoping to receive spousal maintenance, you now have a clearer picture of your need

2. If you must find a new job you can now determine the salary you need to manage your lifestyle

3. You can clearly determine areas of your spending that can be reduced or cut out completely to better manage any reduction in income.

In divorce, one of the hurdles may be that you don’t have access to the bank account or credit cards to understand what you have spent in the past. This is something a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®) can help you work through. A CDFA® can also help you to understand what other income sources may be available to you through your divorce, such as child and/or spousal support and marital property, to determine how you will continue to manage your budget once the divorce has finalized. Understanding your spending needs today and how they may change in the future will help guide some of your decisions throughout the divorce and provide clarity on how you will manage your financial future.

For more information on working with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® contact Next Step Divorce Solutions.

Guest Blog: by Anne Geske a Residential Mortgage Loan Originator with C2 Financial Corporation

Typically, when one goes through a Divorce, they only ever hire an attorney. Unfortunately, they do not think about having a Team of Professionals to assist them in making sure they are protected in all areas of their finances. Attorneys focus on the assets and liabilities and dividing them between both parties. Emotions run strong in many divorces and many times one party has their heels dug into keeping the home no matter what. If the home is awarded to them, the other party will make a demand to refinance the home within a certain time frame or sell the home. This demand is made to get that person off the current mortgage and Title of the property. Many times, you are required to refinance and give the other party money to buy them out of the property. That all sounds good but some of the things to think about are:

1. Am I working, and will I be making enough money to support the new payment, taxes, insurance, HOA and maintenance on the home when it   is time to refinance?

2. What is the current value of the home? Is there enough equity to buy the other person out and what are the consequences to taking the cash out of the property?

3. If I don’t need to take cash out of the property, is there enough equity to do the refinance and include the closing costs affiliated with a refinance?

4. If I am the one to stay on the mortgage and title until the other party refinances, will I be able to qualify for another home should I decide to buy?

In some cases, I will see one party coming off title and staying on the mortgage with a demand that the other person refinance within a certain time frame. This is not a good idea as Title shows ownership and being on the mortgage shows vested interest only. You do not want to be responsible for a loan and not even own the property. In addition, by remaining on the loan, you are taking a chance that the other person may or may not pay the mortgage payment on time. It is your credit that can be destroyed if the other person is careless and does not make the payments on time. Missing a Mortgage payment is the “kiss of death” to anyone’s credit.

The bottom line is that it is very important to meet with a Mortgage Professional prior to finalizing your divorce. It would be a shame to petition for the home only to find out that you need to sell it in the end. Once a divorce is final, there is no going back.

Are you ready to break free? After weeks and weeks under a stay-at-home order you may have hit your breaking point, several times, with your kids, your spouse, and the complete inability to just get away. These times are not easy and many of us are having to navigate challenges we never imagined possible. If you are contemplating divorce but don’t know where to start amidst stay-at-home orders with closed courthouses, consider these steps to begin.

First and foremost, recognize that this period during COVID-19 is hard for almost EVERYONE across the globe. You are not alone! If you feel your family relationships are struggling because of the strain these times have caused, I strongly encourage you to seek out a therapist that is willing to schedule virtual meetings. Even if that means you escape to your favorite nail salon or retail store parking lot for a little bit of privacy to have a virtual conference with a counselor, do it! We may all need a little therapy after this experience.

Second, start doing your homework. You are stuck at home and have nowhere you need to be, use this time to get your ducks in a row. The most important first step is making sure you have a good understanding of your finances. If you are the non-CFO (Chief Financial Officer) spouse of your household, then start asking for information and learn what you can.  Contact a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® to help guide you on what you should be gathering.

As you work on the finances begin thinking about what type of divorce you want and who you want on your team. My suggestion is to include a therapist or counselor, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, a family law attorney and/or mediator. Begin to assemble this team. Even now, during COVID-19, these professionals are still at work and ready to serve you.

Each state, county, and court are handling all family issues a little different. You should be able to file for divorce in Houston, but your spouse may or may not be served.  Some states are completely shut down and only the legwork can be done because the legal process won’t start until later. A local family law attorney can help to clarify what your county courts are doing to manage divorce cases throughout COVID-19.

At Next Step Divorce Solutions, we address the financial fears and confusion our clients face during the divorce process and turn it into confidence and clarity. We are ready to serve you, contact us today for your initial strategy session to learn more.